Cairns. The final
stop on our Oz adventure and apparently the party town for backpackers heading
north and south.
We got there
after another overnight bus. This meant that for the last week we had
unconventional places to kip (Tent, tent, hostel, bus, boat, boat, bus). So we
were super shattered and had an early night in our hostel. Gilligan’s would be
our residence for the next 3 nights.
Gilligan’s is a
ridiculous place to sleep. It’s a hostel that has a nightclub attached, and our
room was directly above it. Pumping music until 3am! Nuts!
The next day we
headed out for the Great Barrier Reef. If you don’t know anything about it,
here is a quick summary.
It was on this
trip that we did our first bit of Scuba Diving. Scuba stands for Super Cool
Underwater Business, the A is just and extra because Scub sounds stupid. We had
our safety briefing and put on your air tank backpack things and jump into the depths.
Now because we weren’t technically certified we had to be taken into the water
with an expert called “Jazzy” (ROFLcopter). We swam down hand in hand with
Jazzy and she pointed at stuff while I panicked that I couldn’t breathe and generally
felt enormous pain inside my skull as I struggled with the pressure. Despite
all of this I genuinely felt like I was James Bond in Thunderball, just needed
a harpoon. On top of that we found Nemo.
We were also
taken to an island that was disappearing as the tide was coming in so it
disappeared like an hour later.
Anyway snorkeled there and saw more aqua-based
items. Good trip all in all and saw sharks, turtles and the like. Just a brilliant
trip.
When we returned
we saw literally thousands of bats that were just flying overhead and kicking
up a right racket. It was as if Michael Caine let one go in the bat cave they
all came out for some fresh air.
We headed out for
a night out in Cairns, plenty of jokes but nothing that memorable but I do have
this video and a picture from where jack got annoyed at me taking to many
pictures of him.
So anyhow, this was our route along the east coast, doesnt look very far compared to the whole country.
It was at Cairns
airport on the way to Singapore that I became truly fed up with getting ripped
off left right and center in Australia, but it also stretches to everywhere, I
mean just look at this:
At first you’re
thinking, oh wow! 50c off! What a bargain. 65p for a Fudge ain’t a bargain!
Especially when I can see that they should be 20p; donghead!
My other issue
comes with this no fluids through security or whatever. This is a con. It’s a
scam so you have to buy water inside the departure zone oh what’s that? Water
costs a fucking fortune? Why am I not surprised – oh and look, the water is
exactly the same price in every shop, blatant price fixing! I did have a wry
smile at the irony of getting rinsed on water.
Security should more
been concerned with screening who is coming through. The reason I say that is
that there was a ridiculous sign in the gents, and if you need to put a sign
like this up, then you need to just let civilized humans through. Very simple
policy.
I like the idea
that they had a few incidents before they put the sign up and eventually a
cleaner or something went, “why are there footprints on the seat… oh christ! We
need a sign!”
When we got on
the plane I was pleasantly surprised to see that the interior of the plan was
brand new, and they had done away with pockets on the back of the seat in front
for magazines. Instead they went with a new age, ill-considered mess that helps
nobody!
Also the safety
card needs revising, why can’t you use a Tamagochi at any time!
That is a joke as
well; why does listening to music affect take off! Actually they usually say
“may affect take off” which suggests they don’t know, if you don’t know; find
out and while you’re doing that leave me alone idiot. And hang on a second –
what damage could a calculator do! “sorry son, you’ll have to leave your sums
until after we switch off the fasten seat belt sign” “Oh but I love maths” “tough,
you should have a bought a travel abacus!” child sobs.
As we were taking
off it seemed as though all the babies on the plane, of which there were
numerous, had banded together to have a “who can scream loudest, longest and
most annoyingly competition”. I didn’t see the final result as I was too busy trying
to fast forward time but I’m going to assume that they all won.
When we were descending
one of the cabin women told me to move the shutter on the window up fully for
landing. Why does this affect landing! I turned to look at the shutter. It
couldn’t have been more than 1 inch below the maximum openness. I turned back
to her and raised the shutter in a sarcastic and slow manner to demonstrate her
moronism. I’m sure she’s I nice person. Finally after our layover we were
issued seats on row 32. The plane only hade 30 rows, what a fuck up!
x
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