Bangkok; where
you can do anything. Jack and I got there and we wanted to sleep. So we did;
for 17 hours.
Essentially
Bangkok is like any other big city. Well developed, plenty of amenities,
massage parlors and ladyboys knocking around.
Taxi drivers are
also massive nob’eds. They don’t know where anything is, and it’s not a
language barrier thing because you show them Google maps and they are baffled.
When they do know where something is they tend to not want to take you there
because of the bad traffic which is unavoidable and GAY!
Another issue is
that when you do you will often be faced with a difficult decision; which of
the following would you like to see?
We choose neither and elected to move hotels 3 times to soak up the city living. Our third hotel was half way down what Jack and I referred to as “Prozzer Street”. This meant that every time we walked to or from the hotel we were solicited for massages by beautiful women who may or may not have been beautiful men. Sometimes it is really obvious, for example stubble and built like a brick shithouse; other times its less obvious, big fake tits and genuinely looks like a bird.
We headed out
that night to the Khao San Road which is where you find the tourists drinking
buckets and general “Bangkok night out” stuff you would expect from reading
around or watching films. Including fake clothes and crass wristbands (if you
are able to zoom in take a look at what you can wear on your arm.)
At one stage Jack
was getting the drinks in and three Thai teenagers strolled past, they were
munching on a bag of mushrooms. I could see through the clear plastic bags and
fancied some of the sautéed shrooms. So I asked one of the girls, “Are those
mushrooms?” she looked perplexed, so I rephrased the question “those?
Mushrooms?” She understood and quick as a flash popped one in my mouth. (a
mushroom that is)
This was by far
the worst tasting mushroom of my life, crunchy and sour with an awful
consistency. The group laughed, hard. They tilted the bag towards me so I could
have closer look… fucking fried grubs. I had eaten a bloody fat worm thing and
to top it off I was a laughing stock for these little idiots.
Jokes on them
though, they had a whole bag of that shit! Which I later realised, they sold
all over the place.
Jack returned
with the buckets and explained that there had been a confusion at the bar and
as way to say sorry the manager had made his drink super strong and I had to
try it. Now, Jack has previous of making a bigger deal about things than they
are. So I took the bucket, thinking to myself “oh yeah, bet this is nothing” took
a huge sip through the straw… and insta sicked into an empty bucket on the
table. Jack laughed. I was sick again. Although this seems like a bad thing, in
the rush I did manage to break a decade long habit of throwing up in my hand
that has plagued me on nights out over the years.
J Bird headed off
to get me some water but I could hear laughter from across the other side of
the street, I looked over and a woman shouted “you have puke in your beard!”
One of my lowest moments.
Next was time for
P Money to arrive and to welcome him we had booked a fancy hotel, this ended up
being at the end of Prozzer Street by accident which meant we were to walk past
even more massage parlors. There were three with the prefix Dr BJ’s but one was
called Dr BJ’s Bargain Bangers, we are still not sure if that meant that the
birds were rougher.
When we checked
into the hotel, the welcome pack made interesting reading:
We went out again, set up a kitty, lost Jack, which meant lost the kitty but still had a good night:
Bangkok was a
great experience and we reveled in it before moving to Laos. The highlight
however was when J Bone needed to buy some new earphones and inadvertently
bought 5m long ones, what a spazlord!
Typical video summary below
x
No comments:
Post a Comment