We had planned to
stay in a lush apartment for Christmas to feel a bit homely and cook our own
attempt at a Christmas dinner. It’s hard to describe how eating breakfast,
lunch and dinner in restaurants for 5 months does get tiresome.
When we got to
Koh Tao we weren’t disappointed, it was lush and was nestled high in the
mountains looking over the sea and we cotched there for a few days before
Christmas which was fairly standard aside from crashing a moped at an
embarrassingly low speed.
When Christmas
came I woke up J Bird to give him his presents, he didn’t get me anything but I
didn’t expect anything so…
Here’s the moment
when all of Jack’s Christmas wishes came true:
For Christmas
dinner we invited these two sisters who we had met back in Vietnam and were on
the island at the same time. We ate a variation of a crimbo dinner all cooked
on the hob, it was a medium success followed by Only Fools and Cluedo, classic.
However,
Christmas took a sour turn for me. Now, I’m going to tell you a story but it’s
not a nice one. I have deleted the sisters from Facebook so they don’t have to
endure the story.
I was busto for
the toilet after numerous cokes and I noticed that one of the sisters was in
the toilet for an exceptionally long time. When she did eventually emerge I rushed
in and was immediately hit with a powerful pong. I’m not a dickhead so I’ll let
a bit of smell slide, plus I’d made them the food so was partially responsible.
I closed the door which was on the same wall as the toilet itself. I rounded
the loo and faced it, looked down and noticed something on the bath mat
position directly in front. It was a little shit nugget. I still don’t know how
it would have managed to get there due to the positioning of everything. I was horrified
and panicked but not wanting to be a scrooge and ruin Christmas for everyone; I
folded up the mat and threw it in the shower. I didn’t mention a thing until
they left 5 hours later and I informed Jack. Try and enjoy crimbo with that on
your mind; knowing there's a little poo wrapped up in your shower!
Koh Phangan is
the home of the Full Moon Party, it’s basically a massive beach party where
people dress like mongs and drink buckets until the early hours. We were there
for two of them, first on the 28th and the second for New Year ’s
Eve where 60,000 people gather. To get there you would be crammed (and I mean
really crammed) into the back of a pickup and some mental Thai LAD would drive
like Nigel Mansell on an E as you struggle to keep the contents of your bucket
inside the bucket as you endure astronomical G Forces.
Here are my video highlights of the from NYE and pics from both events:
I returned to our
bungalow after the first party but we had locked the key inside so I slept in a
hammock on the porch whilst insects ate the fuck out of me; until Jack returned
an hour later:
J: “Oi mate… what
you doing in that hammock”
T: “Remember, we
forgot the key”
J: “It’s alright
I’ll go sort this out”
T: “Don’t you
think I’ve already tried reception”
J: “Yeah yeah,
whatever”
Jack left and
returned moments later
J: “Yeah there’s
no one there”
T: “I know”
J: “Let’s have a
look”
We walked around
the bungalow and noticed that the mosquito mesh windows looked quite flimsy, so
Jack broke one and I boosted him through. LADs
Now, two full
moons had come at a cost. The cost of flip flops. When we got to the beach on
the first night I had brown flip flops but returned with one black and one
white flip flop, this was as a result of petty theft, I think; so I stole
someone else’s shoes, don't judge me.
On the second
party the waves swept away the odd shoes off my feet so I borrowed some others
Later on I found
one of my original flip flops.
Then after the
current stolen ones got uncomfortable I stole some others, these are much
better.
Anyway Koh
Phangan is nice.
Before heading
off to Koh Phi Phi we had a brief stay on Koh Samui, which isn’t all that. In
summary I did the following there:
Stayed in a hotel run by extremely unconvincing lady boys
Dominated the pool table; destroying all comers until a polish bloke beat me and left to go smoke weed in his room while his daughter slept
Ate chicken curry on pancakes wish was surprisingly, insanely delicious
Lost my phone between eating a Subway and then eating a McDonalds across the street
Rinsed some prostitutes at Connect 4 (they probably let me win)
X
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